Answers...

Knowing myself enough? I have been asking myself these questions...what is the true desire in my heart? What is the reason behind me wanting to be selfless? Or do I really want to be selfless or was it just a mask that I put on? I can only answer these questions if I have a clear knowing of myself and not drill deeper into the emotions which I have released...I am blessed for whatever is happening to me because I know when I can walk through it, I will be one step forward on my journey and my inner strength will continue to grow. I am blessed that people around me are loved and I am loved and eventhough I was lost and being a naughty child, I am being accepted...I will continue to look for answers, until then I send you my best wishes to you for whatever there will be ahead for any of us...

From Stuart...

Confusion is a manifestation of an unsettled intellect. The intellect is dominated by the ego. So confusion is mostly the ego's chatter harassing your life. Train the ego to ask few questions and answer most of the others with 'I dont know and I dont care'

Tears...

Recently, I noticed that I am always in tears...unfortunately, the moments are of pain and sadness...I believe I am an emotional person and I am very emotional towards anything that you can think of. And today, my tears are out of control and I cannot stop myself from crying and crying and my face, my shirt are all wet with tears...do you ever wonder why tears will come when feelings touches our hearts? I don't understand either but at this moment in time, my tears don't come out from my eyes any more but within my heart, its painful and I don't understand how I can live with this pain for any longer...is it because I don't love myself enough? It appears to me that there is little meaning to anything that I can think of, anything that I used to love and anything that I used to have feelings for...I know this is happening because I allow this to happen and only then can I see deep within myself...deep into my darkness...

Puzzle...

Have you ever played puzzle? I have played puzzle a number of time and the interesting thing about puzzle is that the beginning is always the hardest and it gets easier along the way...

However, recently I have noticed something else about puzzle...or in fact anything that you have to build and end with the full picture...its the feeling of seeing the full picture. Seeing the full picture gives you an instant feeling of satisfaction but very soon this feeling will be replaced by a moment of lost. Lost from coming to an end, an end that can never be avoid and you already know it when you first begin...isn't that extraordinary? People are not tired from repeating this again and again and dive into this process...sometimes the process may take a few weeks as in the case of puzzles but others could take up to years, and the longer this process takes, the harder you will be crushed when you reach to an end...sounds like crushing into a wall doesn't it? This is because it happens very fast and happens long before you know it or maybe deep down you have foresee the day but you will never believe it is now...

You know how I feel I hope...because I know these pieces of puzzles within my heart will always be lost...

逝去的心

從前為了你　心已盡碎
在我腦海失去
我的痴心這陣都已靜如水
從來沒怨句　只有面對
就算愛得不對
壓抑的心滿是傷心的字句
再走不出風雨中
沒法掩飾情心的悲痛
誰又知道　心中你的比重
縱使高呼空虛
逝去的心如此的冰凍
如明白我　風裡寂寞倍感心痛

從前在鬥氣　都算樂趣
熱愛始終粉碎
似彼將一塊石拋進入湖水
茫然望過去　心似亂絮
沒有愛得不對
聽到風聲朗誦傷心的字句
再走不出風雨中
沒法掩飾情心的悲痛
誰又知道　心中你的比重
縱使高呼空虛
逝去的心如此的冰凍
如明白我　風裡寂寞倍感心痛
茫然望過去　心似亂絮
沒有愛得不對
聽到風聲朗誦傷心的字句
再走不出風雨中
沒法掩飾情心的悲痛
誰又知道　心中你的比重
縱使高呼空虛
逝去的心如此的冰凍
如明白我　風裡寂寞倍感心痛

Fixed...

Friday night, not going anywhere, staying at home by myself, heavy rain outside and its windy...listening to a CD that I loved since Uni...fixed a lamp that has been left untouched for over half a year...when I turn on the light, I am sooooo happy because I didn't know I can fix it myself...won't it be a breeze when we can one day finally fixed up something that we have left in the dark untouched for so long? I wonder and wonder...Its getting late, so goodnight and be well...