Feelings...

How do I really feel? True feelings is something that is extremely hard to grasp, at least for me when I ask myself how I really feel, I come to a blank...So blank that I thought I am totally empty inside...feelings to my understanding don't come from the mind...its from the heart and if its from the heart, I believe I first have to feel that I actually have a heart...physically. Can you feel your heart all the time? I can feel my heart...sometimes but very often, I start to think and to think and continue to think which make me confused whether I have a heart...So here I am writing this about feelings, I should probably ask myself how do I really feel right now...? I feel angry...worry...lost...and tons of fear...The feeling of not knowing what's next and what I should do to move is daunting...so much fear that I can be stuck in this transistional space forever...which really can be a very long time...even the thought of being stuck in this space is fearful...gosh, what do I have to do to make a change...can I really let go of all the emotions that I can feel within me...

Emotions are left behind by someone or something...which bury deep inside me which I am afraid to look at or thought that I have looked at and want to forget about the whole thing altogether. By not looking at it, I feel so much better and less tears but I know its there, its there that one day, it will reveal itself in a different situation or different time...but the impact will be probably be in a much bigger scale...just like accumulated compound interest of our savings...haha...

Will two parallel lines ever have an intersecting moment? An intersecting moment is brief and its probably not something that will happen in our daily lives...but the thought of it makes me feel sad and so sad that you know whatever you have done previously is meaningless and the process of letting go is extremely hard to do...do I have the courage...? I feel that I have the courage but why is the emotion still within me...deep within my heart? I now know what has been keeping me standing and alive and what I have to give up to die...I have to let you go to free myself or I will be forever stuck, and I really hate the feeling of being stuck...so long my love...I have to let you go and I have to let go of myself and the lot...I don't think there is any more left with me but that is my choice and solely a decision I made following the feelings within me...

Happiness...

As I am sitting in this minibus, I can't help to realise the simplicity of happiness...It was as simple as catching a bus on time, a nice meal, or simply a pleasant day...what has come of me...I wonder...why is happiness seem to be so far away from me...

Are you happy?

你不是真正的快樂

人群中哭著 你只想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了

你 靜靜 忍著 緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
越是在 手心留下
密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

你不是真正的快樂
你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這 世界 笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是你 含著眼淚
飄飄蕩蕩 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快樂
你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂
你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著

你值得真正的快樂
你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢

能不能就讓 悲傷全部
結束在此刻 重新開始活著

What's the worry...?

Me & My Whisky...

In my dream, I walk down the alley and there I saw a friend who came to me and told me that she saw them...

"Them" is a mystery as the word has triggered many faces inside of me who I know and will probably avoid to see or to touch...in this moment in time...in my dream...I wonder why dreams are becoming so vivid and reality becoming so washed out, or is it the vice versa...I wonder and wonder as I slowly walk away again from my dream and start to hear the annoying phone alarm that won't stop, like magic, I am back to my room...Was it the effect of my whisky that I had the night before...