Feelings...

How do I really feel? True feelings is something that is extremely hard to grasp, at least for me when I ask myself how I really feel, I come to a blank...So blank that I thought I am totally empty inside...feelings to my understanding don't come from the mind...its from the heart and if its from the heart, I believe I first have to feel that I actually have a heart...physically. Can you feel your heart all the time? I can feel my heart...sometimes but very often, I start to think and to think and continue to think which make me confused whether I have a heart...So here I am writing this about feelings, I should probably ask myself how do I really feel right now...? I feel angry...worry...lost...and tons of fear...The feeling of not knowing what's next and what I should do to move is daunting...so much fear that I can be stuck in this transistional space forever...which really can be a very long time...even the thought of being stuck in this space is fearful...gosh, what do I have to do to make a change...can I really let go of all the emotions that I can feel within me...

Emotions are left behind by someone or something...which bury deep inside me which I am afraid to look at or thought that I have looked at and want to forget about the whole thing altogether. By not looking at it, I feel so much better and less tears but I know its there, its there that one day, it will reveal itself in a different situation or different time...but the impact will be probably be in a much bigger scale...just like accumulated compound interest of our savings...haha...

Will two parallel lines ever have an intersecting moment? An intersecting moment is brief and its probably not something that will happen in our daily lives...but the thought of it makes me feel sad and so sad that you know whatever you have done previously is meaningless and the process of letting go is extremely hard to do...do I have the courage...? I feel that I have the courage but why is the emotion still within me...deep within my heart? I now know what has been keeping me standing and alive and what I have to give up to die...I have to let you go to free myself or I will be forever stuck, and I really hate the feeling of being stuck...so long my love...I have to let you go and I have to let go of myself and the lot...I don't think there is any more left with me but that is my choice and solely a decision I made following the feelings within me...